Things I Wish I Could Write On My Resume

  1. Can drink a whole bottle of wine in under 30 minutes
  2. Builds own ikea furniture and only cries a little
  3. Decent parallel Parker (except that one time but no charges were pressed)
  4. Can sleep for more than 13 hours at a time
  5. Texting 79 wpm
  6. Jamie and I wore the same dress to junior prom and people agreed I wore it best
  7. Volunteered one time not even court mandated
  8. Can scroll through 5 years of instagrams without accidentally liking one
  9. Can eat more than average 20 something female
  10. Expert Facebook stalker