PAUL IS DEAD CLUES, RANKED
I was straight up *obsessed* with this when I was a kid. Herein, ten clues that the real Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966.
- •The PatchLaaaaaame. Some conspiracy theorists thought this was 'O.P.D.' for 'Officially Pronounced Dead', but any Canadian can tell you at a glance that it's a patch for the Ontario Provincial Police. Nonsensical, but not a clue - next!
- •The Military HonoursFrom Magical Mystery Tour, Paul sits behind a sign saying 'I Was', and under crossed military flags, as at a military funeral. Ehhhh.
- •The PortraitFrom The White Album - facial scars clearly visible on the upper lip from where the double (Billy Shears, natch) had to have plastic surgery so as to appear more Paul-like.
- •The CarnationOh, sure, everyone gets a lovely, fresh, red carnation except for Paul, who gets a black one. And we're just supposed to *accept* this? I don't think so. Onward!
- •The SkullThe back cover of Abbey Road featured not only a shadowy skull lurking just to the right of the Beatles, but also a crack running through the 'S' of the band name, symbolizing the fracture within the group, as well as holes in the wall to the left that could be traced into a '3'. Three Beatles! Whaaaaaaa?! Some people say the girl is supposed to represent, or even be, Jane Asher. Those people are reaching.
- •The Not-So-Hidden Message'Love the 3 Beatles'? And there's 'McCartney' again, acting all Shoeless Joe, but look, bloodied shoes! Sat beside the offending drum kit!
- •The VolkswagenCheck out that license plate: LMW 28IF. Late McCartney Would (be) 28 (when the album was released) IF (he had lived). C'mon people, open your eyes!
- •The DollCheck it - toy Aston Martin on her leg, sweater welcoming the Rolling Stones - because the Beatles as we knew them were done! - and a bloodied driving glove on the left hand of the figure holding her.
- •The Hidden MessagePlacing a mirror on the centre of the drum on the cover of Sgt. Peppers displays the hidden message 'I ONE IX HE ^ DIE', a reference to the date Paul supposedly died in the car crash (Nov. 9, 1966). The arrow points right at Paul! Damn! My Nancy Drew-loving mind was blown.
- •The Funeral ProcessionJohn in all-white represents the church, Ringo is the minister, barefoot Paul the corpse (look at those closed eyes!) then George bringing up the rear in his working man's clothes, playing the role of the gravedigger. Not only is Paul out of step with the others, he's holding his cigarette in his right hand, though he's a lefty. Well, the *real* Paul was, anyway. Dun-dun-DUN.