ITS 2015 THESE THINGS SHOULD BE UPGRADED

It's time. People smarter than me should start working on making the world a better place.
  1. The toilet.
    I think we can all agree that the toilet isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Since I refuse to poop in public I think my home toilet should be a place of ultimate luxury. A symbol that represents my inevitable success. Maybe some different shapes, seat heater standard, possibly a foot bath and definitely a cartridge where you can load 15-20 rolls of toilet paper so I'm not running pants down past my 80 year old Korean neighbor's window trying not to make on my laminate floors.
  2. Paying for the bill at the end of any meal.
    Not sure how the rest of you rich List assholes live but I'm still living in a place of splitting the checks with 8 of my college pals that still don't know the concept of tax and tip. Constantly have 3 phone calculators out, a pen and pad, Venn Diagrams and no one knows how much to pay. Fuck curing disease, let's fix this today.
  3. Getting off an airplane.
    The way you conduct yourself when you arrive at the gate and the fasten seatbelt sign goes off will tell me everything I need to know about you as a human.
  4. A "no talk" option for Ubers or really any public service such as baristas or barbers.
    Not much to say here, I don't want to talk to strangers unless it's through my phone making lists.