1. I spend more money on bird seed than beer!
  2. I watch commercials about eye brighteners, wrinkle reducers and female hair loss
    I also spend more money on these items than beer.
  3. I say things like "treasure each moment" and "it goes by fast"
    The same two phrases I despised hearing from people when my kids were little! Ouch!
  4. I like food with nuts, coconut, and pistachio pudding
  5. I go to bed before my kids.
    And I like eating dinner at 4pm