Funny Confusions I Had as Kid

  1. That the surgeon general was both a surgeon and a general (like the head surgeon for the army or something) who was super scary and, if he caught you smoking cigarettes, you were in major trouble
  2. That Mr. Spock & Dr. Spock were the same person
    I was totally confused as to why Leonard Nimoy was writing books on child development and moonlighting as a doctor.
  3. That the song "Send in the Clowns" (yes, I knew that song as a kid), contained the lyrics "Don't you love farts?"
    My dad is a huge Barbara Streisand fan (his feminine side, I guess) and used to play her Broadway album all of the time in the car. The actual line is "Don't you love farce?", but how they hell was I was supposed to know what "farce" meant?
  4. That LMNOP in the alphabet song were the words "elemena pee"
    This is sort of in the same vein of the confusion above, but don't worry, it was pre-kindergarten. I thought that singing the alphabet was hilarious because everyone was saying "pee". Why was no one laughing?
  5. That drinking and driving meant drinking any beverage while driving
    I often wondered why my mom drank coffee in the car if it was illegal and why it was illegal since it didn't seem very dangerous at all.
  6. That Mathnet was an actual crime solving drama
    Remember that segment from The Electric Company? Clearly I had not heard of Dragnet, nor did I realize that it was just a ploy to teach math to kids.
  7. That dogs were scary
    A big one lunged at me when I was tiny. Now I think they are perhaps the most amazing, loveable creatures in the entire world.
  8. That "condiments" and "condominium" were other words for condoms
  9. That the word "it" in almost any context meant having sex
    In 3rd grade, the coolest guy in school explained that "doing it" meant having sex, and that the word "it" was therefore a dirty one. We would look through books to find the word "it" and turn bright red.
  10. That being a cashier was the absolute best job in the world
    I mean all of those buttons! Taking people's money! Come on! I was "lucky" enough to fulfill my dream while working at the Gap the summer after high school. It was not as glamorous as it seemed.