Things I Am (Almost) Positive I Will Never Do
Trying to believe that almost everything else not on this list is an actual possibility, including touring with Beyoncé (a girl can dream!)
- •PornThis is probably the only thing on the list I can say with absolute certainty I will never ever do. This does not include personal photos and such :) But actual porn? No. Perhaps my one true certainty in life. It's nice to have one thing I am actually sure about!
- •Own a snakeThis one is a close second to porn. I am absolutely petrified of snakes. I have nightmares about them. I can't even look at pictures of them. Even if I have a child who begs me for a snake every day, there will never ever be a snake brought into my home. If need be, I will raise my children to also have an unhealthy fear of snakes. I will pay for the therapy.
- •Own a gunI'm pretty set on this one, although I can't account for every possibility. What if one day I find myself as a cop or a super cool FBI agent (also things I am quite sure will never happen)? Then I guess I would need one.
- •Kill someoneOk, so I think the not having a gun thing really decreases this possibility. It's one of those things that you say you would obviously never ever ever ever do & is absolutely horrifying and despicable. But again, what if I were a super cool FBI agent like on the Blacklist & had to shoot the bad guys? Or what if someone was hurting/trying to kill someone I love or was hurting a child and it was the only way to stop them? Ok so this one gets a 0.00000000001% chance of ever happening, right?
- •Wrestle an alligatorI mean I don't want to. I'm not planning on ever going to the Everglades. But you never know, right? If I had to, I mean if I really had to, I guess I would do it to save my life.
- •Jump out of an airplaneAs of now, I have absolutely no desire to go sky diving and I doubt I ever will. The only scenario I can see where I would jump out of a plane is if I were on a plane and it was crashing or on fire and my best shot was to jump out of it (preferably with a parachute in tow!)
- •Watch an episode of Duck DynastyBecause why do I have to??
- •Vote RepublicanOk. So if in like 20 years, the state of politics has totally changed, and the world has changed, and the GOP and its candidate pool have significantly changed, this one gets a .000001% possibility of happening. Slightly better odds than killing someone. Also a very high possibility if for some reason Oprah, Ellen Degeneres, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert, or Jon Stewart ran as a Republican to mix things up.