Things that I'll never do

I can say never with confidence
  1. Write my and my other half's initials in the sand and take a photograph of it
    J + D. Australia 2016. Whatever. It's lame.
  2. Understand why Two and a Half Men is so popular
    See also The Big Bang Theory and Everybody Loves Raymond.
  3. Rap
    It wouldn't be pretty.
  4. Try heroin
    I don't do drugs. I like being in control. What if I immediately got addicted? What if someone took a photo of me at that exact moment and sent it to my mum/employer/spouse/friends? I DON'T LIKE NEEDLES EITHER.
  5. Get a snake
    They bloody scare me. They're not cuddly. I'd be that weird snake person.
  6. Date someone who had a pet snake
    See above. Also, if I firmly believe that you'd be sorted into Slytherin then I probably can't date you.