RECIPE: AUTHENTIC NEW ENGLAND LOBSTER ROLL

Got some lobster and always wanted to try out a real lobster roll? Follow these steps!
  1. Put on your Patriots jersey
  2. Slightly deflate the lobster. This will make it easier to fit your hand around it.
    Can't murder a lobster if he keeps getting away! Ha!
  3. Steam the lobster, then mercilessly break it's body open to reveal the sweet flesh.
  4. Pull out the meat. Put the mayonnaise on it's skin.
    IT PUTS THE MAYONNAISE ON ITS SKIN
  5. Put the concoction of entrails and lard into a heartily processed bun.
  6. Descend into your Satanic ritual chamber.
  7. Offer the lobster roll to our Dark Lord Bill Belichick.
  8. Enjoy!