1. "I changed my phone case to match my outfit" (you're just jealous that I'm stylin' like that son)
  2. "My selfie game has been severely slacking" (I've gained a significant amount of weight at my awesome desk job that's slowly killing me)
  3. "I've never watched the Godfather (Yes, I can hear the gasp as I have this app bugged!)
  4. "How is SHE getting engaged?!" (You're ugly)
  5. ... I'm surprised you kept reading my list after the Godfather admission... 😘