THINGS I SAY OUT LOUD THAT I SHOULDN'T (PLUS COMMENTARY)

  1. "I changed my phone case to match my outfit" (you're just jealous that I'm stylin' like that son)
  2. "My selfie game has been severely slacking" (I've gained a significant amount of weight at my awesome desk job that's slowly killing me)
  3. "I've never watched the Godfather (Yes, I can hear the gasp as I have this app bugged!)
  4. "How is SHE getting engaged?!" (You're ugly)
  5. ... I'm surprised you kept reading my list after the Godfather admission... 😘