A sneak peak into the hormonal roller coaster of thought in the first trimester
  1. I'm gonna have to avoid everyone I know for the next month
  2. *at a birthday party; just turned down Jell-O shots for the 5th time "omg I'm SO shady"
  3. I'm due April 18th! Velociraptor awareness day. Lisa is going to be so happy!
  4. Oh god I hope she's not an Aries
  5. It could be a boy, I guess. I wonder what boy Aries are like?
  6. Omg April 18th is Stephen's birthday. I cannot handle a Stephen either
  7. Please, please, please be born April 21st so I can have a perfect Tauras child
  8. 2017 sounds so ugly.
  9. I just realized I will never be happy again. I'm not allowed to do anything until the baby is born and then after the baby is born I'll just be worried for the rest of my life
  10. Why did we do this?
  11. Oh yea bc I'm getting old
  12. This makes people happy right?
  13. Omg how do we parent?
  14. They should have pre-parenting counseling like they do pre-marital counseling
  15. Maybe we can go to a conference or something?
  16. Being social while 100% sober is SO HARD
  17. How is it even possible to be this exhausted from my normal daily routine?
  18. Pretty sure everyone I know thinks I hate them now bc I've had to turn down at least 20 invites to do something in the last 2 weeks
  19. I told everyone I'm on a cleanse but just keep getting fatter. Either they know I'm lying or are just terrible friends
  20. I'm actually kind of offended now
  21. *6 wks along; pulling out all my baggy clothes to cover my stomach; googles when you start showing; answer:12-14 wks ☹️
  22. But seriously, how can my stomach be protruding this far out but I haven't gained any weight?
  23. This is so terrible and its only going to get worse
  24. I don't want to do this anymore 😩
  25. Well there's no going back now. And people love this shit, right?
  26. At least I don't have morning sickness
  27. Great, I probably just jinxed myself
  28. Maybe I'll be one of those people who loves being pregnant
  29. Although, idk who would LOVE being DD for 10 months
  30. My dr. better let me tan/spray tan. If I feel ugly, there's 100% chance of me being grouchy
  31. *Gasp! A whole football season without delicious fall/winter beers 😔
  32. I really need my sisters birthday to get here so I can publish this freaking draft