A LETTER, TO THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

I'm sorry that I stumbled upon your Instagram. I'm sorry that I still cared enough to write down these words.
  1. It's been years since I've seen you, though by definition, "the one that got away" does imply I'll likely never see you again.
  2. But our town that you left is small and I'm still here.
  3. And those that we shared a life with still see me around sometimes.
  4. I wonder what they bring back to you, if they bring anything at all at this point.
    Years cause interest to fade away, after all.
  5. I hope it's good things. I hope they tell you that I look well, no longer sickly thin, hair cut short because I went crazy missing you.
  6. I'm funny now. Do you remember how I used to laugh until I cried at all of you and your friends jokes?
    I ran into one of said friends recently and he was bent over laughing by the time I was through with him.
  7. I've got stuff to say these days. No longer just a girlfriend but a person.
    I take pictures and find holes in the wall that pour a good cup of coffee and I have hobbies that take up every inch of my time.
  8. It's funny, but I grew into the person you always wanted. A different version of the same girls that you've dated after me.
  9. While I used to think that this was tragic, that it had to be a "right person, wrong time" kind of love, I no longer think that's the case.
  10. I couldn't have become this person, this incredible human, if you hadn't shattered me completely.
  11. I wouldn't have sought love so desperately from every other aspect of life if you hadn't first drained it from within me.
  12. Now I love everything. The big things, yes-nights out with my friends, holidays with my family. The things I never expected though, too-like falling asleep on my friends shoulder and feeling him put his beanie underneath my head so it would be more comfortable. The cup of coffee my friend makes me without asking how I like it.
    She just knows. People who love you know how you like your coffee.
  13. And I can't help but be grateful for the swing of the ax that you brought down on my heart all of those years ago. For the pain that was so acute, it felt like it was part of my personality.
    "Hi, my name is Celine. I like Star Wars, reading and there's a huge gap in my very being from where someone walked out on me."
  14. That's why I'm writing. Not to say thank you for loving me while you did.
    Though truly, thank you.
  15. But to say thank you for leaving.
  16. I'm glad that you are who you are and that you're in love. She's beautiful and you look so happy.
  17. I'm grateful that our love extended and changed and evolved into that love.
    All love is a hand-me-down.
  18. Mostly, I'm writing to say that I hope you have a long and happy life.
  19. Always,
  20. Me