This list is for anyone that's ever thought I was attractive. You're free.
  1. One time I was seeing this guy and he tried to pick me up by my hips and put me on the counter to kiss me but oops his head bumped my face and I got a bloody nose that lasted an hour.
  2. One time I got out of bed in the morning and started my period. Literally right that second. Down my leg. And he saw.
  3. Before I found out I was lactose intolerant, life was hell for me. My stomach was always making weird noises and I never wanted to stay the night because I was afraid I'd accidentally fart. Well guess what? That happened too. WHILE SPOONING.
  4. One time I woke up from a nightmare but before I was aware that I was awake I thought the guy I was with was a monster and I punched him in the face.
  5. Once, I was walking around campus with a guy and slipped on a fucking BANANA PEEL.
  6. Also, I can't walk in heels and I'm aware of this but a guy tried to convince me otherwise and so I genuinely tried and I fell down stairs.
    (Ok not all the way but fucking still)
  7. One time in the middle of the night I thought I had to yawn but it was a burp. In the guy's face.
  8. I can't tell you how many times I've spit water or food out by accident while with a guy. Or had something in my teeth and only found out much too late.
  9. One time I had onions in my food and my breath was so terrible but it didn't go sour until we were already making out.
  10. I need to stop now. I'm a thousand degrees and I can't show my face on here ever again.