1. And it doesn't bother me like it used to.
  2. That first night, sleeping on the floor because my bed wasn't set up yet, I could feel them rumbling by.
  3. And I wondered how I'd make it through a year of this.
  4. Wondered, "how the fuck can they be this loud?"
  5. I drove underneath the tracks on my way to work the next day.
  6. Looked up and sighed.
  7. I didn't know that loneliness can turn everything into gratitude so easily.
  8. I had no idea, when I was pressing my pillow over my ears, blocking out my neighbors and the geese and the trains, that I'd be waiting for them just a few months later.
  9. On my back this time, in a brand new bed, staring up at the ceiling, thoughts crowding in
  10. -
  11. You're unlovable
  12. You'll be alone forever
  13. Fuck everyone for being happy when you're not
  14. Isolate everyone, find faults in anyone who tries to get close
  15. -
  16. All the while, stretching out, bracing myself for that final terrible thought until...
  17. Until...
  18. There.
  19. I can hear them. I can hear the trains.
  20. My brain quiets, my eyes close.
  21. And I'm here for another day.