STUFF I ENJOY MORE THAN WAITRESSING VALENTINE'S DAY WEEKEND

  1. That part of a pedicure where they push back your cuticles.
  2. Slipping on ice.
    Bonus points for doing it in front of people.
  3. Watching the workers at Chipotle sprinkle five pieces of lettuce in my bowl, even after I ask for extra.
  4. Looking at my bank account.
  5. Seeing pictures of myself from before puberty.
  6. Finding out that the cute guy I just met has a girlfriend.
    v.typical
  7. Reaching the end of a binge and having to watch the show in real time like a fucking PEASANT.
  8. Drinking bad coffee.
    A necessary evil.
  9. Winter weight.
  10. Tearing a nail on a car door handle.
    You know what I'm talking about. Hurts like a sonofabitch.
  11. I've worked so many hours since Thursday. I still have today to go. Everything hurts. Goodbye.