Why Am I Here: An Existential Crisis

*Brought to you by the countless nights that I cannot sleep*
  1. 1.
    To save the human race
  2. 2.
    To see if it is in fact possible for a person to watch all seasons of Seinfeld in a week
  3. 3.
    To provide scientific research on just how long someone can go without sex before their genitals disintegrate
  4. 4.
    To even out the success ratio on Tinder
  5. 5.
    For cheese puffs
    Which are too pure for this world, fight me
  6. 6.
    To take professional photos of Trump's impeachment.
  7. 7.
    For Lights new album
  8. 8.
    & Stephanie Danler's next novel
  9. 9.
    To be the one person that still doesn't give a shit about the Kardashians
  10. 10.
    ...Did I mention cheese puffs???