You See Yourself In The Ones You Love

  1. Often too late.
  2. Or at least, it was too late for me.
  3. So much of my grandma fell down the genetic scale and tipped into me.
  4. Her stubborn pride, her long fingers and small mouth.
  5. The way our noses bump at the end and how it takes me twice as long to tan as it does for most people, despite the fact that I am part Italian because of her.
    I've never understood that. How her and I are "fairskinned" Italians while my siblings and my mom have olive skin.
  6. The need for cream AND sugar in my coffee.
  7. My love for all things lavender.
  8. The soft blankets I always have around me and my tactile sensitivity to any material that irritates my skin.
  9. I fought with my grandma on and off the last few years.
  10. And the night before she passed away I told her I loved her and when she said I could call, I didn't.
  11. The next morning she was gone.
  12. I will miss so much about her. I wish I had thanked her for more then just our resemblances.
  13. She was the first person to tell me that makeup isn't what makes a woman beautiful.
  14. She always had a book for me to read.
  15. She cooked obsessively, spoiling me with authentic Italian meatballs and cannolis.
  16. She was exceptionally talented at gardening. People brought over dying plants and she revived them. Her own garden was the most beautiful thing to behold.
  17. Oh, and she traveled everywhere. She was always sending postcards, another thing I ended up taking on because of her.
  18. I could go on. My grandma was only 73 but she lived three times the amount that most people live in that time frame.
  19. When I got off the phone after being told that she had died, I fell to the floor. It felt like someone invisible had ripped out my heart. I couldn't get up. I couldn't stop crying.
  20. Nobody has ever loved me the way that my grandma loved me. Loves me. Whatever.
  21. For her to be gone is to have a little less of that love in the world.
  22. I wasn't ready.