Things I Hate About Having This Cold

I always hate having a cold. They seem to hit me harder than they do most people I know, and my colds always seem to last longer. They always suck. This one is horrible for these reasons:
  1. No adult activities
    So there's this guy. We dated casually for a little over a year, and he broke things off when he and another woman he was dating decided to be exclusive. Turns out I had stronger feelings for him than I realized. Also turns out their relationship wasn't as good a fit as they thought and they've split up. He and I are seeing each other again, and yesterday was supposed to be our first sleepover date. I am not, however, at my sexiest at this time, so that must wait.
  2. Sniffling
    This cold has had a lot of sniffling activity. I hate it. Sniffling is sucking snot back up into your head. How disgusting is that? The alternative is letting it dribble out your nose, which is also revolting. Ugh.
  3. The voice
    I've passed the five-minute window of a cold where my voice sounds all sexy. Now I sound like a vodka-swilling donkey with a three-pack-a-day smoking habit. Very sultry.
  4. The cough
    It's currently a shallow, dry, non-productive cough. The place where my abs would be if I had any hurts, and every time I cough it ramps up the headache caused by (you guessed it!) this stupid cough. The cough that will follow this one will be just as awful. That will be the horrid wet, hacking, <I>productive</I> cough which results in the forceful expulsion of lung slime. Also the phantom abs will continue to hurt, and in a show of solidarity, the ribs will join in.
  5. I'm not very nice
    I found myself thinking unkind thoughts about craft items I saw online that people had poured their hearts and souls into. They were really, really awful craft items, but usually I think things like, "her technique has improved from that first thing to this one," or "I can see where she was going with that." Not today! Today it's, "Sweet unicorns, what the hell is that thing?" and "That is just so hideous. What was she thinking?" And it doesn't even matter that the crafters are kindergarteners.