Things I Thought While Driving My Dad's Van Tonight
- •Oh, FFS, how do I turn on the lights?Sat in the driveway for several minutes trying to figure that out. It's the same handle thingy as the turn signal. In my car, that turns on the wipers.
- •It's like driving on the clouds up here!I drive a 1999 Chrysler Concorde LXi. It's sometimes dropped into the Sport Sedan category, even though it's about 20 yards long. (I got me a Chrysler; it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail!) Getting into it is a lot like getting into my high-school BFF's 80s Firebird. You get DOWN into it. And then you're riding about a quarter of an inch off the ground.
- •Sweet shrieking Jesus, am I really going that fast?The van is surprisingly powerful and very quiet, and it feels as though you're going far slower than you really are. I bet it would be great for falling asleep in at night on a road trip. But not if you're driving, of course. Only if you're passenging.
- •Haha, bastard giant truck driver! You cannot blind me in this van with your stupid headlights!One of the disadvantages of driving a low-to-the-ground car is that other cars' and trucks' headlights shine right in your eyes. Not in the van, though! Look at it! It's so TALL! I have to climb up into that thing.
- •OMG I am going to freeze to death.It was 9:00 and 82°F, but I was still worried about frostbite. My car also has incredible AC, but I know how to turn mine off. Or at least down. I press a button and choose the temperature I want. In the van, I have to figure out which of the three temperature dials is the right one, and then figure out what to do with it. There is no temperature selection. You spin a dial and hope you've made the right choice. Will it get warmer? Or have I engaged the nuclear weaponry? Who knows!
- •If I needed a van, I think I'd want one of these.After a bit of getting used to, I bet I'd really enjoy it. If I were a van-driving kind of girl.
- •I love my car.Because really. How do you not love a car that smiles at you?