TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE AT A BAD SCHOOL DANCE

  1. 10. The most glamorous ride anyone got to the dance was in a Domino's delivery car.
  2. 9. Since nobody could get a suit, everybody's just wearing those tuxedo t-shirts.
  3. 8. Maybe the school board shouldn't have approved the Fifty Shades of Grey theme for this year.
  4. 7. Couples are being expected to slow dance to Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae).
  5. 6. One sip of the punch leads to you feeling like floating on air and overcoming any obstacle before the police arrest you for making out with the bushes outside... naked.
  6. 5. There wasn't a DJ for the event, so they hired a squirrel-obsessed Facebook comedian (me) for the event.
  7. 4. Maybe the school board shouldn't have approved the Fantastic Four reboot theme for this year.
  8. 3. Police are already suggesting making the dance pictures double as mugshots to save them the trouble.
  9. 2. You're only at the dance to make sure your parents meet and fall in love or else you won't exist anymore.
  10. 1. Your chaperone: Charlie Sheen.