WHY I'M NOT GOING TO MY 20 YEAR CLASS REUNION

  1. I'm still not over the trauma that was high school.
    It's going to take years of therapy.
  2. I'm afraid I won't know anyone.
    I seriously think I have that facial recognition disorder where I can't recognize people's faces.
  3. I have a root canal scheduled for that weekend.
    I can't reschedule.
  4. I wouldn't want everyone to be jealous of my super glamorous lifestyle, so I'll just stay home.
    With my cat.
  5. It's Shark Week and my DVR is full.
    I guess I should schedule a Dance Moms binging weekend.
  6. I've already Facebook stalked most of my classmates, so I already know what they've been up to.
    They can do the same if they want to know what I've been doing the last 20 years.
  7. I'm tired. I have a headache. I have cramps.
    Oops! I was answering my husband and typing at the same time. My bad.
  8. I have to PAY to catch up with my classmates?
    I have better things to spend my money on. Like a new Snuggie and cat Jamberries.