THINGS I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ON A FIRST DATE

If you talk about anything on this list my grandma is not really in the hospital I'm just leaving this date early
  1. Your mixtape
  2. A bad back story behind any especially ugly tattoos you may or may not have
  3. You play any kind of instrument unless you're being paid for it
  4. You rapping. In any context
  5. Anything to do with sports
  6. That you hate advertising or consumerism without a very specific and well thought out reason
  7. Terrible answers to all my follow up questions about why you hate advertising or consumerism
  8. That you're into Country music
  9. That you're into Heavy Metal
  10. Vague complaints about the state of California or New York City
  11. That you have no opinion on the Oxford Comma
  12. That you don't even know what an Oxford Comma is
  13. That you're a "big dog person"
  14. That you like house music more than trap music
  15. That you're religious, pertaining to any religion
  16. You talk about your fraternity as a serious, legitimate organization
  17. Anything about your gym routine. Absolutely anything about your gym routine.