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Everyone is always only talking about food and Fox News is playing on all the tv's.
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    "It was the biggest chicken quesadilla i've ever had. Stuffed full of chicken. And cheese."
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    "We love that place over in Ft Pierce - Charlie's? Chucks? No ... Applebees. Except last time they forgot to tell us they're only serving the steaks well done. I was so unhappy."
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    "I might sue you, but I'll have to see."
4 more...
I just say his name into the speaker and it misspells every time.
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    Maury Sio
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    More Eats See Oh
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    Mo Reetzio
9 more...
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    Salty sunsets
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    Orca sightings
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    Lavender farms
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Not so much bad dates as a list of just Bad Dudes. All true accounts. @Waz please dont read.
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    He brought a bottle of wine and one wine glass along in the car for himself. I drove. Later on, he burped mustard and onion sausage into my mouth. Years later I saw him at a bar and he casually put his salty finger in my mouth.
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    He brought me down a flight of cement stairs that led to nowhere and told me I could "sit on it if I wanted." This proposal made me trip and I skinned my knees on the cement.
    He told our co-workers i skinned my knees for a different reason...
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    He was charming and handsome. He brought me to a beachfront night club to dance. He snorted a ton of coke and asked me to squeeze his tit progressively harder as we danced - he said its fun to get high and dance when his wife takes his toddler to her parents' for the weekend, and then asked me to spend the night.
    So naturally I slept on a wood floor inside a conference room in town I happened to have the keys to.
7 more...
Couldnt stop staring at the sun. I love living on an island.
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    Sparkle water
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    Waiting for orcas that never came
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    But a big boat came
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A fairytale for my baby cousin @Waz
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    Twas a balmy summer night in the Doyle
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    A college-age party for my very best Noil. Her Pa said "no parties, laying low should suffice"
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    So we waited, then drank some, and tarted up nice.
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Its a cloudy dreary pacific NW day and Im waiting for an ankle xray at the hospital.
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    Really thin old people with solid round butts that poof their otherwise baggy pants out - they're obviously wearing diapers.
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    Anyone talking about anything that they've thawed out for dinner. Everyone is a sad pathetic cook in my head.
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    Women with smudged under-eye eyeliner.
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I just got my cast sawed off my previously broken ankle, and I need to keep myself busy as to not back seat drive my husband into a divorce
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    Hanging Lake near Glenwood Springs CO. Our first major hike after moving to Breckenridge. Aqua lake is suspended on top of a mountain.
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    Hanging all over my office my last day of work before leaving Breckenridge
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    Only the best pamphlets
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Saturday morning turned into saturday evening so quick
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    Start the morning right with a very complicated multi-pan breakfast
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    Don't put away the half&half, cheese or egg carton
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    Pull out the last clean dish, dirty it before you can eat off it
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  1. 1.
    Scabies
    Because it itches. So you scratch it. And then it makes long red scratch lines and you get scabies under your nails. Also it attacks the groin and boobs first, or at least my groin and boobs.
  2. 2.
    Malaria
    Unless you're looking for a husband, then go find and take care of a man with malaria and he'll marry you. Worked for me.
  3. 3.
    Giardia
    Cuz you'll shit water every hour on the hour. Any maybe blood too. If you don't have access to a toilet like I didn't, you'll end up hanging off a dock ladder shitting into a river while the night guard makes firm eye contact. The. Whole. Time.
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