1. It should be noted that I was a Soviet spy in a past life. It's the only rational explanation for the number of sunglasses and trench coats in my closet.
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  2. (Karen Walker) I'm hard and soft in just the right proportions. Don't fuck with me in the board room, but children love me. Horses eat out of my hand.
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  3. (Wildfox) I make vintage dresses seem charming rather than try-hard. My linen napkins are monogrammed.
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  4. (76 gas station) My beach hair is effortless and I can wear tank tops without a bra.
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  5. (Prada) This isn't my first time on a mega yacht, but I prefer reasonably-sized sailboats. They're quieter and more environmentally friendly.
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  6. (Oliver Peoples) No one bats an eye when I walk backstage without a pass, purely based on my confidence.
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  7. (party favor) I make the best margaritas, even if I'm hung over.
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  8. (Marc by Marc Jacobs) When I get mistaken for a Brentwood high schooler, I laugh modestly and share my homemade skincare secrets.
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  9. (Mom's from the '70s) I'm an assistant professor whose first book of poetry is coming out this fall.
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  10. (2015) I'm late to a costume party and want to wear my new, sexy black dress
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  11. (Stella McCartney) I'm an adorable mess who gets the guy in the end.
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  12. (flea market) I'm dangerously young.
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  13. (Ralph Lauren) I'll read your script, but only because I think you're cute.
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