1. When he ate part of his "emotional support animal" vest. Then threw it up onto the airplane aisle. I did not feel supported.
  2. When he showed no interest in the Fairtrade hemp whale toy I bought him. But later played with an empty yogurt container from the garbage, even though he knew I could see him
  3. When he refused to fully appreciate the ridiculously fancy doggie daycare I found for him. We had to drive way out to Topanga Canyon, but it was worth it so he could frolic in the hills all day. Whenever I called to check in, he was sitting inside in the "front office" with the receptionist.
  4. When he pooped on the floor of a misogynistic studio executive, proving he is braver than I am.
  5. When he ate half of a baked brie that was not put out on the table for him. ALSO it was before sundown on Yom Kippur (though to be fair, he didn't know that).
  6. When he got one of my (ex)boyfriends to say "I love you" before I did.
  7. When he spoiled the ending of The Sixth Sense.
  8. When he invaded Poland.
  9. When he turned 14 years old this week, even though I asked him to stay a puppy forever.
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  10. *two of the last three aren't true.