Who Buys These Items at Cvs?

I am currently wandering the aisles, waiting for a prescription to be ready. Someone must buy these. Is it you?
  1. This "Seafood Cocktail Salad"
    Feels like a weird thing to go to CVS for, and yet also a weird impulse buy.
  2. This DNA paternity test.
    "Results not guaranteed"
  3. This penis weight (I think?) and vibrator
    I am actually super proud of CVS for selling these. Way to be sex positive!
  4. This contraceptive sponge
    These are back?! Someone tell Elaine Benes!
  5. This keychain that will come to life and murder you in your sleep.
  6. This tool that can "engrave anything!"
    Wait, this is kinda cool. I might get this.
  7. This proselytizing Berenstain Bears book.
    Did anyone else know the Berenstains were born again? I always thought they were Jewish. (ps: it kinda looks like they are goose-stepping, no?)
  8. This pickle in a bag
    People must like these because I see them at gas stations too. I love pickles, but I think I love aesthetic packaging more? Should I get over it? Are these good?
  9. This Coca-Cola cosy for your Coca-Cola can
    Deep stuff
  10. This light up flower crown.
    Sort of feel like I need this! Have I lost all perspective? Or am I seeing clearly for the first time? I can wear it while engraving everything!
  11. I have definitely been in here for too long. Send help.