MY DREAM MAN
All the qualities I need in a man who doesn't exist.
- •But not more good-looking than me.
- •Actually slightly more good-looking than me.But not the kind of good-looking where people would look at us in public and assume that he accidentally got me pregnant once when he was drunk.
- •Great sense of humor.But I should be able to out-wit him when we're having a whimsical conversation about Donald Trump.
- •Speaking of the Donald....He can't vote for Donald Trump. No brainer (talking about the bullet point AND Trump).
- •Always offers to be DD.I'm not an alcoholic, I just really hate driving.
- •Willing to sleep in a trundle bed next to my real bed.Personal space is real.
- •Watches "The Bachelor."Preferably has enough knowledge and understanding to join my Bachelor Bracket.
- •Does not wear man bracelets.I don't really think I need to explain this one. Sorry Johnny Depp.
- •Does not own a fedora.Fedoras should be strictly reserved for contestants on "Chopped Junior."
- •Understands my rigorous weekly TV watching schedule.
- •Pizza.I don't know what specifically about pizza, but I know it should be involved somehow.
- •Wears smaller jeans than me.I want to be able to break him in half with my own bare hands.
- •Alive.He should not be dead. Although I'd be willing to reconsider for a very sexy ghost.