HOW TO STAY ALIVE WHEN TRAPPED AT THE AIRPORT

Req. by Kimberly VanLanny Lamb
  1. 1.
    Build Alliances
    First things first, find some friends. You're gonna need food and supplies and the only people with easy access to both of those are the employees. Try and ward off the throngs storming the Einstein Bros to befriend the workers. The large amounts of grain and dairy will keep you moving for step 2.
  2. 2.
    Acquire Shelter
    These steps are a catch-all for any trapped situation, but this step is especially important for a zombie apocalypse scenario. If people are still people, things may turn peaceful or develop into a commune of sorts. If people are zombies you're going to need walls. Big 'ol walls. Most everything found at the security station can be used for excellent barricading. Avoid anywhere with glass, such as display cases at restaurants.
  3. 3.
    Sow Seeds of Discord
    Nothing makes people trust you more than making them distrust other people. Slowly plant the idea that everyone outside of the group is trying to kill you. In a zombie scenario, this will be very easy. In a peaceful trapping, this step will be more difficult but it is especially important now. This is another advantage of befriending Einstein Bros employees as they are a traditionally suspicious and gullible lot. Rumors of cannibalism work especially well. WARNING: DO NOT BECOME CANNIBALS HERE.
  4. 4.
    Establish Dominance
    If you've made it to this step you must assume help is not coming. Now that you're on your own, it's time to develop a makeshift caste system. Begin making decisions of growing importance. Start determining how rations and spoils of supply runs will be divided. Stop taking your watch shift at night because you need more sleep to make more decisions. The weak minded Einstein Bros employees will fall in line.
  5. 5.
    Expand Your Turf
    Now that you're firmly in charge, begin clearing out other smaller groups. This is the most dangerous step. Watch out for the Cult of Delta and anyone remaining from airport security. With cleverness and a bit of luck, you'll be ready for the final step.
  6. 6.
    Rule with an Iron Fist
    Now that the airport is yours, you must rule cruelly if you are to remain in power. Confiscate weapons on behalf of the god who speaks through you. Limit rations to keep the masses weak. Quickly eliminate anyone charismatic enough to ride a rebellion. Make quick and strong examples of them. Force the people at the Tech stores to build a bomb for you as a constant threat of complete annihilation. These measures should make the people docile.
  7. 7.
    Ascend
    If you've followed the steps exactly a laid out, you are now the Pope of your airport. Unfortunately, the airport will soon run out of supplies and enough food and when that happens, revolt and horrible death is inevitable. Before this happens, have a large feast of all remaining food and drink. When you've had your fun, ignite the bomb and cleanse the Tarmac of you and your followers.