THINGS I'D ASK ONLY IF I WAS PREPARED FOR THE REAL ANSWER
- •To my Dentist: Can you really tell when I don't floss for 6 months and then start just a few days before? What if I use a water pik instead?
- •To my Mechanic: Are you mortified by the unknown smell in my car? Do you discuss with the other mechanics?
- •To the Supermarket Clerk: Do you judge me by my items? I'm judging others so I just want to see how common that is in your world.
- •To my Daycare Provider: Do you secretly take pictures of my kid doing funny things at school and post them online, knowing we don't follow each other?
- •To my Housekeeper: You go through all my shit, right?
- •While we're on that subject, To the Hotel Housekeeping Staff: You know my laptop is buried in my suitcase, even when I try to wrap underwear and bras around it in an attempt to deter you from stealing it? In your opinion, what would be a better hiding place?
- •To my Waxer, when you do my eyebrows but ask if "you'd like me to do any other areas", you're just subtly pointing out other insecurities, right?
- •To my Grandma, when you say I'm your favorite grandkid, do you actually mean it?