THINGS I'D ASK ONLY IF I WAS PREPARED FOR THE REAL ANSWER

Also known as: Questions-for-those-people-who-have-odd-access-to-my-life. @lenadunham @john @JimmyFallon @bjnovak @mindy
  1. To my Dentist: Can you really tell when I don't floss for 6 months and then start just a few days before? What if I use a water pik instead?
  2. To my Mechanic: Are you mortified by the unknown smell in my car? Do you discuss with the other mechanics?
  3. To the Supermarket Clerk: Do you judge me by my items? I'm judging others so I just want to see how common that is in your world.
  4. To my Daycare Provider: Do you secretly take pictures of my kid doing funny things at school and post them online, knowing we don't follow each other?
  5. To my Housekeeper: You go through all my shit, right?
  6. While we're on that subject, To the Hotel Housekeeping Staff: You know my laptop is buried in my suitcase, even when I try to wrap underwear and bras around it in an attempt to deter you from stealing it? In your opinion, what would be a better hiding place?
  7. To my Waxer, when you do my eyebrows but ask if "you'd like me to do any other areas", you're just subtly pointing out other insecurities, right?
  8. To my Grandma, when you say I'm your favorite grandkid, do you actually mean it?