FEMALE PAINS

List inspiration: Patient chief complaints in one OBGYN clinic day. Hug the closest female you care about!
  1. Menstrual (Dysmenorrhea)
    To shed the plush uterine lining after failing to get pregnant this month, the uterus will contract and contract and contract to start anew. Sometimes, the pain can be excruciating. Those abdominal gas pains you get? Triple that and add the fear of bleeding through your pants.
  2. Ovulatory (Mittelschmerz)
    Every time an egg bursts forth to find its way to fertilization (thanks, love ya, byeee), it causes a tiny bit of damage to the ovary it was housed in and sometimes quite a bit of pain.
  3. First intercourse (Coitarche is the age of first intercourse)
    This hymen here is not quite a full on barrier, but it's juuuuust enough to make things difficult.
  4. Ovarian cyst
    Oh, that benign cyst that formed after ovulation? It may continue to grow and grow and one day burst when you're playing field hockey, leaving you in the fetal position on the grass.
  5. Pain with sex (Dyspareunia)
    Imagine one of the best things in life causing you physical pain. That is this.
  6. Round Ligament (in pregnancy)
    As the baby gets bigger and bigger, these uterine ligaments will stretch and make something as simple as walking a literal pain in the groin.
  7. Labor
    It's actually called "labor", which means it's hard. If I could beam my future baby out of my body à la Star Trek, I would consider it. (Hug your mom.)
  8. Delivery
    So, the vagina's supposed to take in this _ width (while staying tight enough for your lover), then accommodate that _________ width to push a baby out? Then it's supposed to heal up in a matter of weeks?? The vagina can do this for you. It's amazing! Respect it. 💖
  9. Endometriosis
    Your friendly monthly period? It could possibly travel backwards through the uterus, out the Fallopian tubes, and cause havoc in the abdomen and pelvis where endometrial cells are not supposed to be. Huzzah!
  10. Ovarian Torsion
    When the ovary twists around, cuts off its own blood supply, and then starts to die from ischemia, there will be loads of pain.
  11. Ectopic pregnancy
    You may or may not have wanted to get pregnant, but the egg and sperm will just go ahead and settle here in the Fallopian Tube (or anywhere else outside the uterus where they're not supposed to get busy). Never mind that nothing outside the uterus is actually equipped to grow a baby. The pain from an overly dilated tube will hopefully alert you to what's going on before you end up with a ruptured ectopic and an abdomen full of blood.
  12. PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease)
    This may lead to infertility! A bonus psychological pain for when the physical pain resolves. You're welcome.
  13. Postmenopausal Atrophic Vaginitis (when vaginal tissue becomes dry and delicate after menopause)
    What a bum deal we women got.
  14. Pelvic Organ Prolapse (when the uterus, bladder or rectum drops into the vagina)
    This tends to happen more in older women or those who have had multiple children. (Spring for the long stem roses this Mother's Day)
  15. All that being said...I love being a woman! 🌟
    I know, I know. Did you hear Debbie Downer reading this list in your head? But there are so many amazing things the female body and mind can do. So many wonderful things women can offer and accomplish! Whether they choose to or not, they can literally grow a human being inside of them and then feed this being from their own body. Just process this. 🏆