A sampling of his many (brutal) zingers
  1. Rand Paul...is a trained Ophthalmologist. Has he ever informed you of what disease his hair dresser has?
    To a supporter
  2. Earlier this year, Jeb played a round of golf at the country club, where he discovered that his handicap is George W. Bush.
    At a fundraiser at The Keene Country Club in New Hampshire
  3. If Senator Sanders is here, who's going to bring Marty back to the future?
    Asked by Fake Lady in a Wheelchair
  4. They think you're favoring Hillary...has Hillary promised you something? Like a cabinet position or free access to her pants suit guy?
    To Debbie Wasserman Schultz who is perceived to be favoring Clinton
  5. Governor, now that you believe you have a chance to win, how would you describe the mood of your campaign? Unrealistic or delusional?
    To John Kasich
  6. What does it take to be a reporter for YouTube? Other than rejection from every other news outlet?
  7. Everyone calls MSNBC biased and liberal, but I have to admit you have higher standards than Fox News. You guys are better. You're like the prostitute that doesn't kiss on the mouth.
  8. Senator Ted!...I love your smooth skin! Tell me, when did Geppetto make you a real boy?
    As Ted Cruz passes by
  9. (Triumph reciting Ted Cruz's speech about voting 10 times)
    Hee Hee Hee Heeeee!! 💯
  10. The way he yells, he sounds like a guy who always has to repeat his order at the Wendy's drive through window.
    Referring to Bernie Sanders
  11. You've shown remarkable resilience in this campaign. How do you run a campaign over the sound of your employees typing their resumes?
    Triumph coaching Mike Huckabee on the art of insults
  12. You really want Donald Trump to be president? Let me ask you something. When you watch the movie Philadelphia, do you cheer for the AIDS?
    To a group of teenage boys supporting Trump
  13. When you're serving the Governor, feed him with a flat open palm.
    Instructions for the waitress who'll be serving Chris Christie at the Airport Diner
  14. 😂
    Picture me in scrubs having lunch at the local Vietnamese restaurant, giggling over a bowl of pho with my headphones in and the Hulu app playing on my phone 🍜🙊