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- 1.Make and distribute crystal methThis one seems like it could be up for debate but I have come to the conclusion that Jesus probably wouldn't do this. I understand he most likely knows the chemistry of crystal meth, and probably could make meth out of pine cones or something, but I think we can all agree that Jesus wouldn't want people to use the drug, so making it would be completely pointless for him.
- 2.Win an OscarMore than likely, our lord and savior Jesus Christ would not take the time to go to acting school, pursue an acting career in Hollywood, and commit to making all the right movie choices to win an Oscar. He could do it, possibly, but the odds of him doing it is very unlikely. He would probably do some French art films though.
- 3.Vote republicanThis one is a no brainer.
I really like to laugh. One of the things that makes me laugh the most is when other people experience pain and discomfort. You know that feeling when you see someone get hurt and you think "oh man, the amount of joy I feel trumps any concern for their wellbeing". However, you should always ask if they are ok, before and after laughing.
- •1. Classic nut shotI know this one is gender specific, and I don't know why but it is never as funny to me when a woman gets a groin shot as opposed to men. Anyways, yes it's over done. Yes, they all pretty much follow the same pattern. But holy god, it makes me laugh every time. Whether it's a self inflicted accident or a surprise attack from a friend, this is easily one of the funniest ways someone gets hurt.
- •2. Surprise fallRemember grape lady on YouTube? Remember that horrible god awful sound she made when she fell out of her bucket? Remember how hard you laughed the first time you saw it. I would gladly give up sex for a year if it meant I got to see people fall off stages or tables or decks everyday of said year. The mixture of pain and embarrassment makes the out of no where falling down one of my favorites.
- •3. Animal attackOk ok ok, hold on. I don't mean like...vicious shark attack and missing limbs. Nothing like the end of grizzly man. I mean, when animals attack randomly just to let you know to leave them the fuck alone. Like a cat scratching the ever loving shit out of someone's arm or a goat knocking someone down because, you know, goat stuff. Animals giving zero fucks makes me incredibly happy. Special shout out to boxing kangaroos. God damn hilarious.