📚🏰 Thoughts From a 28-Year-Old Who's Reading Harry Potter For the First Time

I would like to preface this by saying that I've always been deeply ashamed that I've never read Harry Potter. I've always known I'd love it. I'm the exact kind of person who would become a Potterhead, but it somehow missed me while I was growing up, and then I didn't go back. Then I was hunting for the perfect box set. Anyway...
  1. 1.
    Hedwig is brilliant. I want an owl.
  2. 2.
    Malfoys are the worst. They're basically an Aryan Brotherhood. Well, all the Death Eaters are.
  3. 3.
    My God is Hermione bright.
  4. 4.
    I cannot stand Gilderoy Lockhart. Ugh. So irritating! Stop talking. Reevaluate your life.
  5. 5.
    Harry is so misunderstood. It drives me insane. I don't know how he deals with the false rumours.
  6. 6.
    Lupin is clearly by far the best Defence Against the Dark Arts professor.
  7. 7.
    Loved the Marauders Map reveal.
  8. 8.
    I was so worried about Buckbeak. Thank God.
  9. 9.
    Dumbledore is my favourite.
  10. 10.
    I have yet to meet a Slytherin who isn't a cowardly, petty piece of shit. Also, cheating in quidditch!
  11. 11.
    Hermione slapping Draco gave me great pleasure.
  12. 12.
    I have no words for how horrible Aunt Marge is. Like, no. Just no.
  13. 13.
    Peter Pettigrew is both literally and figuratively a dirty rat.
  14. 14.
    I should've known Sirius would become an important character when you have Gary Oldman playing him.
  15. 15.
    I laughed out loud when Ron was so obviously fixating on who Hermione was going to the Yule Ball with. He's cute when he's jealous.
  16. 16.
    When will Hermione and Ron stop bickering and admit their feelings for each other?
  17. 17.
    My understanding is that Snape is a very complicated and misunderstood character, but so far I have no idea why.
  18. 18.
    Rita Skeeter is pathetic. Who wages war on a 14-year-old by writing up trash? How can anyone who makes their living this way look themselves in the mirror?
  19. 19.
    Dobby was so annoying at first because of the trouble he was causing, but ever since Goblet of Fire, he's been adorable.
  20. 20.
    Poor Cedric had no idea what was coming.
  21. 21.
    I love when Dumbledore explains things to Harry at the end of each book.
  22. 22.
    I hate that Dumbledore insists on Harry spending his summers at Privet Drive when he could be staying at the Burrow.
  23. 23.
    The Dursleys are monsters, Uncle Vernon especially.
  24. 24.
    Percy is a little bitch and an insufferable snob.
  25. 25.
    George and Fred are great comic relief.
  26. 26.
    I love Neville.
  27. 27.
    I have no words for how angry I am with Cornelius Fudge.
  28. 28.
    I want to get to know Ginny more.
  29. 29.
    I think my boggart would be my partner Matthew dying or else wasp-related...
  30. 30.
    My patronus would be a phoenix. I'm tenacious and resilient, and I don't give up.
  31. 31.
    Sometimes I feel like crying because these books are so magical themselves. They alone can instill a love of reading in any child.
  32. 32.
    I so appreciate the detail and research that J.K. Rowling did when writing these books. There are so many little things.
  33. 33.
    Snape is so rude to Hermione. Jesus.
  34. 34.
    I love how protective Ron is of Hermione.
  35. 35.
    I love how indignant Harry is being with this whole Voldemort returning business. Yeah, he said it. And he will say it again.
  36. 36.
    Lucius Malfoy is so awful. I hope he dies.
  37. 37.
    I need to learn more about Luna.
  38. 38.
    I'm so disappointed with anyone who doesn't believe Voldemort is back.
  39. 39.
    These kids deal with so many injustices I can't stand it. Everyone goes on talking shit without ever knowing the truth. That little shit Draco Malfoy wouldn't be calling out Harry when he'd piss his pants if he had to deal with what Harry has in every single book.
  40. 40.
    That Umbridge bitch is a sadist.
  41. 41.
    It's taking every bit of discipline I possess to stay off Harry Potter Wiki.
  42. 42.
    I can't wait until Ron and Hermione are together. I already know about them because I do live on this planet.
  43. 43.
    I must say I sure am getting a kick out of Harry continually talking back to Umbridge.
  44. 44.
    McGonagall is such a boss bitch, and I mean that in a positive way. She doesn't put up with Umbridge's shit - or anybody's for that matter.
  45. 45.
    Ron's temper is so funny.
  46. 46.
    The Ministry is so afraid of a Hogwarts rebellion that they're placing such heavy restrictions that will only inspire more people to rebel. Irony.
  47. 47.
    If it was Umbridge who attacked Hedwig, then she is the character I hate the most.
  48. 48.
    Ron should've drank some sort of anti-anxiety potion before his first quidditch game if he was going to be this nervous.
  49. 49.
    I reserve the C word for the most heinous of people, but Dolores Umbridge is the biggest one of all time.
  50. 50.
    Pansy Parkinson reminds me of Steve's bitch friend on Stranger Things. Just an immature, petty, sour little bitch.
  51. 51.
    Dumbledore is such a badass. He just took the fall for the DA and then threatened Fudge and Umbridge. I loved it so much.
  52. 52.
    Harry is being too stubborn. He does not know better than Dumbledore. If Dumbledore wants him focusing on Occlumency, then he needs to. Just go apologize to Snape for invading his privacy.
  53. 53.
    Having said that, Snape is awfully petty and immature for an adult. He knew how important it was that Harry learn Occlumency for the greater good.
  54. 54.
    I totally get this meme now. Like, at least Voldemort and Bellatrix are up front with what they're about. Umbridge is heinous in a more maddening way.
  55. 55.
    I love that Dumbledore calls Voldemort Tom.
  56. 56.
    I am loving these trips into Dumbledore's pensieve to learn more about ol' Tom Marvolo Riddle.
  57. 57.
    Ronald Weasley must be the dumbest guy when it comes to girls. Clearly he's still upset about Hermione and Krum from two years ago and now that she's upset about him and Lavender, he's saying he hasn't done anything wrong. He doesn't know what's going on in that head of his. And Hermione was going to ask him to the Slug Club party...
  58. 58.
    Those two are frustrating the hell out of me, I must say. Yes, I had to be reminded that they are indeed merely 16 years old.
  59. 59.
    I really can't blame Hermione and Ron for being sick of listening to Harry trying to figure out what Malfoy is up to. I'm with Hermione: He needs to focus on Slughorn and getting that memory.
  60. 60.
    Harry just can't seem to stay out of trouble. #sectumsempra
  61. 61.
    I actually feel bad for Draco. He's in over his head.
  62. 62.
    I'm happy about Harry and Ginny. I like her a lot.
  63. 63.
    I'm starting to get worried about Dumbledore. He and Harry have gone off in search of one of the horcruxes, and I feel like there was some foreboding foreshadowing going on.
  64. 64.
    You certainly could never say that Harry Potter isn't brave. You could argue that sometimes he is foolishly so, but brave nonetheless.
  65. 65.
    I knew it. I knew he'd die. My heart is broken.
  66. 66.
    I better find out what the deal with Snape is soon. I am so in the dark right now - and not with him.
  67. 67.
    I only have one book left to read. I don't think I'm emotionally ready for the series to end.
  68. 68.
    Dudley's reaction to leaving Harry for good was very unexpected and kind of nice, actually.
  69. 69.
    I guess I didn't have enough of mourning Dumbledore, so now I have Hedwig to mourn. Jesus. I am so sad and, quite frankly, in denial.
  70. 70.
    This is starting to remind me a lot of Hitler (Voldemort), the Nazis (the Death Eaters), and the Jews (Muggle-borns).
  71. 71.
    I'm finding myself feeling a little bit bad for Kreacher.
  72. 72.
    Are you kidding me? I haven't been rid of Umbridge yet? Noooooo. I hate her the most of any character of all time - and I read tons of books from the crime genre.
  73. 73.
    I feel bad for people who had to wait years in between books. I'm so glad I'm not them.
  74. 74.
    God damn it. Thanks for making me care about what happens to Kreacher. Now I'm all worried about him.
  75. 75.
    Harry is being too careless. I know that Hermione sometimes comes off as a nag, but she's almost always right.
  76. 76.
    Oh, Ron. I knew you'd come back. Tell Hermione you love her already.
  77. 77.
    I'm with Ron. Why in the hell, Harry, did you go into the water with the horcrux around your neck? It could've fallen off you.
  78. 78.
    Fuckkkkk I hate Rita Skeeter.
  79. 79.
    They took Luna?!
  80. 80.
    I am so fucking mad at Harry right now. Ron told him they were tracking anyone who says Voldemort. And he's so God damn stubborn that he said it anyway. And now they're caught. And now they're without the sword! Jesus Christ.
  81. 81.
    Hermione's screams cut Ron deep.
  82. 82.
    Dobby died a hero. 😢
  83. 83.
    At least those at the Malfoys will be punished by Voldemort for summoning him for no apparent reason.
  84. 84.
    It's like I can't read this book fast enough. It's a race to figure out what Dumbledore already knew. Hallows or Horcruxes?!
  85. 85.
    I feel like even though Voldemort is basically the worst person you can be, he managed to sink even lower when he opened Dumbledore's tomb.
  86. 86.
    Hermione is like the Scully to Harry's Mulder in that one is a skeptic and the other a believer.
  87. 87.
    I can't think of anything I hate more than animal cruelty. I am not liking the treatment of the dragon guarding vaults at Gringotts.
  88. 88.
    Oh my God. Is the bar keeper at Hog's Head Dumbledore's brother?!
  89. 89.
    He is. Wow.
  90. 90.
    I've so missed that badass McGonagall.
  91. 91.
    Well, well, well look who decides to show up.
  92. 92.
    Not that this is news to me, but fuck are Crabbe and Goyle stupid. But now they're dangerously stupid.
  93. 93.
    Not Fred. No. I haven't even had a chance to let it sink in.
  94. 94.
    Oh, Snape. My heart always breaks for the outcast. After all this time? Always.
  95. 95.
    Neville is such a great character. Fuck Nagini.
  96. 96.
    I really love that Harry had to save Draco more than once just because of all the taunting before and calling Harry a coward. Bravest man ever.
  97. 97.
    I'm so happy we got to touch base with Dumbledore again and have him explain everything. It's always my favourite part.
  98. 98.
    That end scene with Voldemort is perfect. Voldemort and his hubris was the death of him. How could you be so arrogant as to think you are more powerful than Dumbledore? Bitch, please. There's nothing you knew that he didn't. He was just smarter than you by practicing caution.
  99. 99.
    I cried because I'm finished the books and won't be living in the wizarding world every day. I knew I'd love them. They're my favourite books of all time.