This is a list that was started years ago, before @list existed. My coworker is basically the dad in American Pie and ten times more awkward. I will continue to update this list. He does not know it exists and I am pretty sure he has a Jitter Bug.
  1. "So I bent over and the doctor says, 'oh I think I've found something.....wait! It's just a piece of tissue!"
    This was said while on the phone with someone about a recent doctor visit in which the doctor was concerned there was an issue with his rear. This is now known in the office as "The Tissue Issue."
  2. "I like your earrings! Want to know why? They remind me of fishing lures."
    A compliment I received one day. Every girl wants to know that they could go catch a striped bass at a moments notice, right?
  3. "Ooooh! You're wearing the blue dress and yellow cardigan! I love when you wear that. My old ex-girlfriend wore the same colors."
    So I remind him of his ex-girlfriend. Excellent.
  4. "Oh! Is he constipated?"
    No explanation needed.
  5. "One time I drank my wife's breast milk because I thought it was regular milk."
    Who does that? Also, shouldn't you be familiar with the container your milk comes in?
  6. "I proposed to my wife at the Wisconsin Playboy Club."
    And she said yes????