Keeping this as clean as possible...well trying.
  1. Those who need to drop a deuce but try to wait until no one is in the bathroom.
    Should probably put copies of Everybody Poops in each stall.
  2. Those who just need to get away from their desks and surf the internet on their phones.
    Buy a Southwest ticket if you wanna get away. And sanitize your phone!
  3. Those who need to take a private call away from their desks.
    It's during these calls that I try to poop or fart as loud as possible in the hopes of grossing out the person on the other end.
  4. Those who have face-to-face meetings in the John.
    We have break rooms and conference rooms. Take it outside ladies.
  5. And finally, the most appreciated restroom users—those who truly just need to visit the loo.