BEST. QUOTE. EVER. Ideally, this will turn into a MASSIVE list that you can come back to, time and time again, for guaranteed giggles. We've kicked things off with a few staff picks below, but we'd love to embiggen this list with some perfectly cromulent words - Add your quotes below!
  1. “Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.”
    - Comic Book Guy in “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show”
  2. “I was saying Boo-urns.”
    - Hans Moleman in "A Star is Burns"
  3. “Aurora borealis? At this time of year? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?”
    - Superintendent Chalmers in "22 Short Films About Springfield”
  4. “Well, your story is very compelling, Mr. Jackass, I mean Simpson. So I’ll just type it up on my invisible typewriter.”
    - Chief Wiggum in "The Springfield Files"
  5. “Now we play the waiting game. [long pause] Ah, the waiting game sucks. Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos!”
    - Homer Simpson in "Mr. Plow"
  6. “That’s swell. Duff Beer wholeheartedly supports the designated driver program. NOW! Who wants to party?!”
    - Duffman in “The City Of New York Vs. Homer Simpson”
  7. "To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems!" -homer
    Suggested by @dr_beexo
  8. "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."
    Homer in "Boy Scoutz N the Hood"
    Suggested by @Nicholas
  9. "My tadpoles seem crude by comparison." - Nelson re: the lunch Marge makes for him
    Suggested by @helytimes
  10. "Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly we don't want to know"-cracker factory executive (A Millhouse Divided)
    Suggested by @joannaspicer
  11. "No one who speaks German could be an evil man" - from the Cape Feare episode, Marge talking to Sideshow Bob
    Suggested by @dudleyjoshua
  12. "Friends, the press and the government are in bed together in an embrace so intimate and wrong, they could spoon on a twin mattress and still have room for Ted Koppel. Journalists used to questions the reasons for war and expose abuse of power…
    …Now, like toothless babies, they suckle on the sugary teat of misinformation and poop it into the diaper we call the 6:00 News. Demand more of your government. Demand more of your press." — Kent Brockman
    Suggested by @gwcoffey
  13. "That raccoon stole my pork chop!"- Grandpa
    No clue what episode this is from but someone answers the door and the Simpson's family dog runs by with a chunk of meat in his mouth and then grandpa comes running after yelling this. Makes me crack up every time I think of it.
    Suggested by @madithelma
  14. "Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"
    - Kang, Treehouse of Horror VII
    Suggested by @Waz
  15. "When you get to hell, tell 'em Itchy sent ya!"
    Itchy, "Itchy and Scratchy Land"
    Suggested by @JeremyPivot
  16. "Marge, I agree with you, in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory."
    Bart gets an elephant
    Suggested by @crossetter
  17. "Oh people can come up with statistics to prove anything Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that." - Homer in Homer the Vigilante
    Suggested by @kalel2000
  18. "No tv and no beer make Homer something something." "Go crazy?" "Don't mind if I do!" - Homer & Marge, Treehouse of Horror - The Shinning
    Suggested by @RedSarah
  19. "What's a diorama?"
    Ralph Wiggum
    Suggested by @Jonbon67
  20. "Now I...I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it 'Billy and the Cloneasaurus.'"
    Suggested by @datwizzerd
  21. Comic Book Guy: But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds! [the nuclear missile closes in on him] Oohh, I've wasted my life.
    Suggested by @francium
  22. "Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business." - Mr Burns
    Suggested by @shanz77
  23. "Me fail English? That's unpossible!" -Ralph Wiggum
    Suggested by @DEmilien