MY DATE W THE LAWYER

He was attractive, and I found him repulsive.
  1. "I automatically dismiss anyone who has only a high school education."
    What a dick. Who says that?
  2. "This place is great because you don't have to tip! That's why I chose it."
    I had no response, so he repeated it, "No tipping!" I told him he could tip anyway, and he stared at me like I told him to give the bartender a blow job and to let me watch.
  3. "You're not going to get a sample of the beer before you order it?!"
    "No. I'm all in. It's an IPA, not a marriage," I said, and the bartender laughed.
  4. "There have been times when I just got samples, and by the time I was done sampling, I didn't need to order a beer. Free!"
    Klassy. "I bet you eat dinner at Costco." He didn't get the joke and demanded I explain that he probably eats free samples of taquitos and pizza rolls in lieu of a meal.
  5. "You took your kids to New Zealand?! Jeez. How much did that cost?"
    Almost every man-date has asked this, which indicates they care way too much about $ (having it or not having it).
  6. "I can't stand people from the east coast."
    "Some people say the same thing about lawyers." He thought that was hilarious.
  7. "My 13 year old daughter is perfect in every way, but my son seems to have gotten any problems she would have had and then problems that make me say- Why me?"
    This is, like, 4th date material. People, don't talk about your kids on a first date. Esp if you're dissing them.
  8. "Is your ex in the picture?"
    NOT interested in this man, so I just said, "Nope."
  9. "Wow! Does he live here in town?"
    "No."
  10. "In the state?"
    "Nope."
  11. "Hmmm. I have to pass some judgement on a father who is not involved with his kids' lives."
    He's dead, not a deadbeat. I feel guilty that this guy was unfairly judging my late husband. But there would be no second date, and he did not need to know my business / widowhood.
  12. I finished my beer and got up to leave. "Tell you what. Let's have lunch tomorrow. We'll meet at the park."
    Of all the luck, we work across the street from each other. "No. I don't fuck around with my lunch," I said. Which is true. I don't eat w cheap squares who are assholes.