Accidentally deleted this as soon as I posted thanks for the request @BeReadyUtah
  1. Through concentration I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will
    Static
  2. I am a member of The Knights of the Night
    Static
  3. My nerve damage will be advantageous in times of attack
    Local
  4. I think rationally
    Static
  5. I'm a former volunteer Sheriff's deputy
    Static
  6. I always keep weapons on me
    Static
  7. Beets from Schrute Farm will prove to be the only food left during the apocalypse
    Giphy
  8. While I'm always aware of the enemy, my work with the CIA will give me the upper hand
    Static
  9. I signed up for a second life about a year ago...everything is exactly the same as my current one with the exception of my flying capabilities
    Static
  10. I have a black belt in order to attack the enemies
    Static
  11. I tip my urologist (for the sole reason that I am unable to pulverize my kidney stones) so I know I'm in great health
    Static
  12. I follow rule number 17
    Never turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during the mating season
  13. I call it like I see it
    Giphy
  14. I'm a master of disguise
    Giphy
  15. I'm fast
    Static
    "I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther.”
  16. "Fortunately my feelings regenerate faster than the average human, superior genes."
    Giphy
    Suggested by @gnarshiptrooper