Proof that Dwight will outlive us all, according to Dwight

Accidentally deleted this as soon as I posted thanks for the request @BeReadyUtah
  1. Through concentration I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will
  2. I am a member of The Knights of the Night
  3. My nerve damage will be advantageous in times of attack
  4. I think rationally
  5. I'm a former volunteer Sheriff's deputy
  6. I always keep weapons on me
  7. Beets from Schrute Farm will prove to be the only food left during the apocalypse
  8. While I'm always aware of the enemy, my work with the CIA will give me the upper hand
  9. I signed up for a second life about a year ago...everything is exactly the same as my current one with the exception of my flying capabilities
  10. I have a black belt in order to attack the enemies
  11. I tip my urologist (for the sole reason that I am unable to pulverize my kidney stones) so I know I'm in great health
  12. I follow rule number 17
    Never turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during the mating season
  13. I call it like I see it
  14. I'm a master of disguise
  15. I'm fast
    "I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther.”
  16. "Fortunately my feelings regenerate faster than the average human, superior genes."
    Suggested by   @gnarshiptrooper