HOW TO DISCUSS POLITICS WITH YOUR LOVED ONES

The Onion provides helpful tips on how to avoid conflict with family and friends when discussing the thorny topic of politics.
  1. First things first: Leave the car running in the driveway.
  2. Begin any counterpoint by irately screaming “I respectfully disagree!” inches from your loved one’s face.
  3. Don’t languish in a circular argument. The quicker you can draw parallels between your friend’s opinion and militant fascism, the quicker you’ll win.
  4. Be considerate when your views differ from those of close family members. You’ll find they’re more receptive to your opinions if you preface them with a long, wet raspberry.
  5. Listen twice as much as you talk, and talk twice as much as you wave a gun in the air.
  6. Your grandmother has lived a lot more life than you have. Who knows? Maybe gays really WERE godless filth in the ’40s.
  7. Wait until the perfect moment to deploy your ace in the hole: that you read about this very topic somewhere just recently.
  8. Always remain open to the possibility that you’re wrong about how much you respect your father.
  9. Regularly remind yourself not to let political differences affect your personal relationship with your family. That’s the job of your grandfather’s estate.