Even the most rational, clear-thinking adults can have anxieties that interfere with their routine, and learning to manage them is key to living a life free from fear. Here are The Onion’s tips for conquering your phobias:
  1. Before beginning any treatment, ask yourself if you really want to get rid of the one thing that makes you special.
  2. Empower yourself! Keep a short list handy of all the things that don’t scare you.
  3. Build your coping skills by going up a “fear ladder.” First, look at pictures of dentists. Then, look at a dentist through a window. Next, slowly approach one and pat him gently on the head, staying away from the ears and mouth. Soon, you’ll find yourself passing dentists on the street without fear.
  4. Make an appointment either with a psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy or a psychiatrist who prescribes a whole bunch of pills.
  5. Learn some relaxation techniques for when you feel anxious, like slowly inhaling and exhaling chloroform.
  6. Remember, the engineers who designed the bridge are just as scared of you driving over it as you are.