Who Is Mike Pence?

Indiana governor Mike Pence will reportedly be Donald Trump’s running mate on the Republican ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Pence
  1. Current Residence: Real America
  2. Little-Known Fact: All
  3. Strengths: White, red-faced
  4. Weaknesses: Overt prejudices against homosexuals, Syrian refugees, immigrants, welfare recipients, and abortion patients doesn’t bring anything particularly new to Trump campaign
  5. Occupation: Former, future talk radio host
  6. Inspirational Background Story: Somehow overcame growing nationwide biases against white, heterosexual, Christian men to become governor of Indiana
  7. Level Of Social Conservative: Extra staunchy
  8. Views On LGBT Rights: Believes gay couples are entitled to the same respect as perverted, devious straight couples
  9. Accomplishments As Governor: Shifted Indiana from oft-overlooked state to lightning rod for condemnation
  10. Gubernatorial Campaign Motto: Leviticus 20:13
  11. Favorite Sexual Position: Non-penetrative
  12. Title Of Future Autobiography: 'Running For Dear Life: My Hellish Four Months Inside Trump’s Fractured Mirror-World'