PLEASE DON'T PICK ANY ONE OF THESE 5 GUYS TONIGHT, MR. NFL GM

It's easy to skewer NFL teams' busted draft decisions in hindsight. But most GM's don't get enough credit for all the bad players they DON'T pick. After all, there are more land mines lurking beneath the NFL draft battlefield than treasure chests. Here's some you'll hope your team's war room steers clear of in tonight's first round.
  1. Jared Goff, QB (Cal)
    Well, since he's going to go 1st overall to the Rams, I guess 31 teams don't have to fret over taking this franchise killer, but I really just wanted to make sure I got my 2 cents into this Goff-Wentz debate. The name is enough for me to preemptively declare Jared Goff a bust. Carson Wentz however? Now THAT sounds like a QB to me. Game tape? Don't need to see it. Jared was doomed when his parents filled out that birth certificate. Sorry, Rams fans (not really). It's science.
  2. Reggie Ragland, LB (Alabama)
    "He's big. He's a real thumper. Tough between the tackles against the run." That's what they say. He's also SAF (slow as fuck), and benefitted from playing at 'Bama behind two monstrous DT's. This guy can't play on passing downs and he's a franchise MLB first round pick? There's 8 or 9 linebackers I'd take before Ragland.
  3. Corey Coleman, WR (Baylor)
    I'll usually err on the side of speed when evaluating guys, which makes this prediction odd. Dude can fly and stop on a dime. With that and a 5'10" 180lb frame, he's drawn comps to Antonio Brown. Seriously? Unless this guy can advance light years in a short time in terms of instincts, route running, and hands, I can't see him being worth the first round price it will take to get him. Antonio Brown is a unicorn. Corey Coleman is... um... not a unicorn. I couldn't think of a good other animal.
  4. Eli Apple, CB (Ohio State)
    This guy looks like he was carved out of granite. Fast. Fluid. Great size. This is one of those things where I'm very unscientifically assuming that those physical advantages were paramount to his collegiate success, but will be nullified at the next level, where virtually everyone on the field has a superhero physique. I mean let's be honest—I'm not breaking down game film here. He's better than Taylor Mays (who I realize was a safety), but that's the feeling I get. More specimen than player.
  5. Robert Nkemdiche, DT (Ole Miss)
    I'm the last guy who would stand up on Mt. Pious and take guys off my draft board because of "character concerns." I mean, I still think Johnny Manziel is the man. Hell, I even think Jamarcus Russell could have been pretty good if he went somewhere other than Oakland at the time. But this Nkemdiche kid is just weird. And it isn't like he turns into a sack-monster on the field—the production is way too inconsistent. Someone will take a chance on him in round 1, but they'll regret it by August.