Things I hate about Summer
Everyone has a least favorite season of the year. Mine's summer.
- 1.Open-toed shoesI wear flip-flops when I forgot something in my car while I am in my apartment. That's the only time it's alright.
- 2.Water sportsIf I walk by a sprinkler, I will walk through it to cool off. Other than that, it requires too much clothing removal. Speaking of...
- 3.Near nuditySure, if you have a body for it, go for it. But here's the thing: no matter what you think, you don't have the body for it.
- 4.The SunIt makes it hot outside. You are on a constant quest to evade it directly while seeking shade. It gives you cancer sometimes. The Sun is my nemesis. It also shows up too early in the morning, and doesn't go away soon enough at night.
- 5.No great holidaysI love fireworks, but they are expensive, and they make everything smell gross and really hot.
- 6.Unavailability of time off from workEveryone goes on vacations planned in January, so it's impossible to schedule anything with more than 4 people, because someone is at the beach.
- 7.The heatI know we are built for warmer climates, but much past 75, it is too much. Give me the cold any time, as you can put on more layers, but to shed layers to cool off feeds in to number 3 on this list.
- 8.Every magazine telling you what to do"The 900 things you MUST do this summer!" number 899 is kill yourself.
- 9.AllergiesSpring may have sprung a month ago, but don't let the plants fool you. Summer is the time where they all take a cue from The Happening and decide to torture humanity by forcing them to inhale their reproductive leavings to make breathing a task that is somewhere between diverting a river and passing a kidney stone.