HALLOWEEN COSTUMES I WANTED TO PUT ON OUR TODDLER, BUT THE WIFE REFUSED
Moms can be such kill joys.
- •Matthew McConaugheyI was gonna get him all constipated with bagels and bananas, slick his hair back, put him in a black suit, and sit him in the neighbor's Lincoln while feeding him sour candy. Instant McConaughey.
- •Crossfit Bro"WOD Life" tat, tank top, overpriced board shorts, and constant babble about metabolic conditioning. Done.
- •TedHe lures you in because you're thinking he's just a cute little teddy bear, then he rips ass and sings "fuck you, thunder" at the top of his little lungs.
- •NinjaHe already beats the living hell out of me. Might as well dress him up like it's his profession. Plus, how awesome is a 2' tall ninja?
- •Johnny UtahThis failure is partially my fault because I couldn't decide if he should be wet suit Johnny, sky diving Johnny, or plain clothes Johnny.
- •TrumpA little blue suit, a fake check for $1M from Dad, lots of nonsensical/self-serving blathering, some shitty motions with the comb, and voila: instant little Donald