Things I've learned this holiday week
- •I can eat everythingLiterally. Put it in front of me. I'll eat it.
- •Coffee Cake, a welcome stapleMaybe it's only an Ohio staple, but if you show up at someone's house or host a party without a rectangular treat in hand, you have just committed a felony.
- •You're bored with your familySeriously. I yearn for a favorite or a like of my stupid jokes during the rest of the year, but this week I feel confident I could have my own HBO special. I can only surmise it's because you're bored with your families.
- •I can't metabolize everythingMy pants were not this small when I got here. Must be the coffee cake.