THINGS I DID AS A CHILD THAT HAVE HAD LASTING EFFECTS

  1. Convinced Myself I'm Terrible at Math
    I'm fine splitting the check, but you have to either just go 50/50 or do the calculations yourself because I've come to terms with the fact that "I'm terrible at math." (Also, this notion is bullshit. I'm really not that bad at it, I just don't enjoy it and somehow convinced myself I have a deficiency somewhere along the way.)
  2. Jumping Off Of (insert any household item more than 18" off the ground)
    I have over 60 stitches from the neck up, bc I was the John Muir of coffee tables between '82 and '87.
  3. Let Yelling Affect Me
    I have a crisp $20 bill that says those coaches had no intention nor any idea that I would hold on to some of their words for a lifetime.
  4. Collect Concussions
    I never really understood that you're supposed to avoid head trauma. See stitches reference above.