THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT MY APPEARANCE BETWEEN 1990-2000
A lasting list of neuroses
- •The openings of my eyes do not matchSome girl named Lindsay or Sarah or Allyson told me this in 7th grade history. It was said like it was an observation. A fact. To this day, I'm not sure if she was actually right ... maybe cause the openings of my eyes are fucked up.
- •I have "alien" toesMy second toes are considerably longer than my big toes, thus the other-worldly classification. This observation - also from a fact-finding female middle schooler - kept me out of sandals for nearly a decade.
- •So Much Love to HandleBy all accounts, I'm fairly thin. Always have been. But if a milkshake is consumed, it will soon reside in the pasty white region directly above my ass. This fact was brought to my attention in summer gym class freshman year.
- •An Indestructible NoseThanks to nearly two decades of repeated breaks and bruises, I discovered in high school that I'm able to smush my nose down flat to my face. It's a cool party trick and an awesome way to freak out physicians.