WHAT I WANTED TO BE GROWING UP, CHRONOLOGICALLY

But I, I took the one ... Actually I'm lost
  1. Fireman
    Before you cry that this is plain and typical, know that my father was a cop and this was my first foray into testing all possible patience.
  2. 2nd Baseman for the Chicago Cubs
    A la Ryne Sandberg. In hindsight, my obsession was a little far fetched and I held onto this dream for far too long (into sophomore year of high school, to be exact).
  3. Athletic Trainer
    Until I did a job shadow and realized the highlight of this guy's day was lunch at Dairy Queen.
  4. Advertising Agent
    Then I realized I didn't like the idea of schlocking boner pills to a chemically-dependent America.
  5. Corporate Video Producer
    You can only make so many Mission Impossible style "inspirational sales tool" videos and then you have to realize you're selling your soul to an extremely low bidder.
  6. Screenwriter
    Jane, you ignorant slut.