These are real. These were said to my face. Most should be heard in your mind's ear with severe vocal fry.
  1. "I don't really care about your degrees."
  2. "You were so much more marketable as a red head."
  3. "I really preferred you as a blonde."
  4. "Have you ever thought of getting cheek implants?"
  5. "The recovery time from (a chin implant) is so short, and it really would make all the difference. Just think about it... But just know you're going to have to do something about your face."
  6. "Wow, you seem to care a lot."
  7. "Well, everyone is passionate in the beginning, before they know..."
  8. "So that's a no?"
    After being asked if I would be a before picture...I swear on my beloved border collie's grave.
  9. "I know you're not going to like me for this, but I can get you through a lot more doors as a size 4."
  10. "No one cares how smart you are until you matter...That's the truth, honey."
  11. "You look great today..."
  12. "Have you thought of really trying to lose weight?"
  13. "Have you ever done South Beach? It's just a great lifestyle..."
  14. "Maybe you should run."
  15. "They said you were perfect, but they wanted someone more conventional."
  16. "I don't understand."
    Anytime I've turned down something degrading.
  17. "Oh, I hate plays, but have fun! I'm sure you'll be great."
  18. "Maybe try and lean out before you go in for this one. I know a great cleanse." *writes on post-it