THINGS MY HUSBAND HAS PURCHASED THAT I HATE

And no one should own.
  1. Meet G: Emmy winner, adorable human, sex god, and misguided consumer.
    If you see him buying something (unless it's camera gear or tech related) you should not buy it. He is the worst purchaser on the planet, but I love him. I love him, and I'm confiscating his plastic.
  2. This horrible, horrible shoe.
    They may seem innocent enough, but they have an odd squared toe...like a pointe shoe. They make him look like the victim of a tragic and permanent stubbing. They also look borderline orthopedic, and we are nowhere near that territory. The N on the side stands for "NO! DO NOT BUY THESE; YOU ARE TOO YOUNG AND GOOD LOOKING!"
  3. Socks should be fun, but more importantly, they should be washed.
    These boring white socks, that he will wear with all shoes unless prompted to do otherwise, were purchased because he did not feel like doing laundry.
  4. These. Shorts.
    I refuse to show them right side up. They are made of cancerous raincoat material. He got them on clearance because no other human would. They say "FWIP! FWIP! FWIP!" when he walks in them.
  5. This salsa.
    We live Mexico adjacent, and this salsa is a disgrace.
  6. This shirt is for a man living in a tent on the beach after quitting his job as the CIO at the company that knocked off GoPROs.
    It should not be worn by a sexy genius married to me.
  7. This fucking butter dish.
    One of the nosy elders (I can't remember whom) said we needed a butter dish. Then there was a general consensus we were domestic failures. Graham asked me if we should get one, and I said, "Yeah, knock yourself out." He came back with this hideous polka dot monstrosity that mars my countertop and offends all who look upon it.