When I was abroad for my last gig, I got asked the same series of questions about American politics in every country. "So...what's going on with Donald Trump? Is he really running? How do people feel about this?" My response was "Oh, it's just a gag." Then, I came home and... The positive I'm extracting is the inevitable laughter & shared dismay.
  1. Trump: Not racist, just Right.
  2. Orange you glad I didn't say birth certificate?
  3. I can TRUMP the Democrats...get it? Cause my name...my family likes that joke.
  4. When I remember my favorite bible verses, I'll print them on all the money. Wait, what's your favorite? Cause it's probably also one of mine, but just checking.
  5. Protecting the 1%...because it's our time.
  6. I was born here unlike SOME people.
  7. Not a socialist...like SOME people
  8. Not a terrorist...like SOME people.
  9. Diplomacy: Building a wall between us and Mexico
    And getting them to pay for it...I have blueprints.
  10. My weave is made from eagle feathers, because that's how much I love America.
  11. Hey, America! Who wants a yacht?
  12. I did a reality show, and it was really tough.
  13. If you gotta bump it, bump it with a TRUMP-et.
  14. Running America-not that different from kind of hosting the Apprentice.
  15. I'll show you a CHINA pattern.
  16. Don't Fact Check this.
  17. What do you mean, "How?"
  18. Cause I say so, and I'm rich.
  19. Just Vague Enough
  20. God wants me to be President.
    You don't want to like...disagree with God do you? I mean I'm pretty sure I remember in the Bible- it's in Leviticus, isn't it? Where it says: Earneth ye the most and thy father will make you President...and Bill Gates isn't running, so...God wants me to be president. Seriously, you have no idea how much I have off-shore.